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Category: Anxiety

Category: Anxiety

Thanks everyone again for your support, You have no idea how much this means to me. I appreciated it so much, every little bit helps me greatly

To update you all on the situation. My breakdown this week was majorly caused by the usual financial issues. Mostly two big things that hit me this weekend. One being a big rent increase (not until Oct but still) but the other was the fact that I hadn’t heard about how much we were getting from Taxes this year. The fact that is is now July started to worry me that we filled out the taxes wrong and with each passing month my anxiety got worse and worse.

We really need that extra bit a month because it pays for our electricity bill, which I managed to get even lower then before. My Patrons all help so much with the other bills, but there are still more… So the rent increase, with fact that we might not get enough to pay all our bills, sent me into a bit of a panic. Add on that I needed to deal with this months bills, groceries, call to make doc’s appointments. Everything just crashed down on me at once.

All in all things started turning around after my breakdown, as they usually do. The next day we got our GST and Taxes in the bank, which was  a big stress reliever, and I finally got out to do groceries and make some phone calls. Just have one more call to make today and all of that stuff is dealt with.

The other thing that has been stressing me out is that I’ve been trying to figure out other ways to draw in more supporter to help pay for these bills. The problem is Tumblr has been a brat to creators as of late, blocking external links from showing up in search engines and even marking Lesbian content as NSFW even if it is something as simple as just holding hands or cuddling. Not sure what the issues is, but it does cause a lot of problems since that is a major place I post my works. the more people who read my works on Tapastic the better, but if I can’t even link to it without showing up in searches then what is the point…

I was also trying new video stuff, but realized i’m really not good at that stuff. I’m just not that interesting a person to sit here and talk. I need to be doing something art related. So I think I need to change the Weekly News to a Weekly doodle talk thing, where I talk about the week while doing random doodles. I keep considering paying for a Private Streaming just for my $5 Patrons or even making a $10 a month tier for Private lessons, maybe 2-3 a month.

Anyways, i’ll try to get more done soon. Still struggling a bit as I try to sort things out.

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So I made a little video with my new Birthday Present to thank everyone for their birthday wishes and thank the anon for the Birthday gift on Ko-fi earlier today. I tell you I really wanted FaceRig and Live 2D for a while now and wish my first video had turned out. I was laughing so hard because of the glitches that when I hit record I forgot to check my settings and didn’t record any audio… so sad. Then it took several tries to get the OBS to record what was going on so I could show people what the program does. 

The big reason I wanted this program is because I wanted to be able to talk to all of you more, but didn’t want to use my image. There is a reason me and my wife don’t post photos online anymore. After all the harassment and threats we got it became too much for either of us so we just decided to stop posting anything. People just couldn’t understand the fact that I’m very much in the gender neutral and felt the need to harass us, calling me a liar and even trying to blackmail me, even though I’ve explain many times about my gender journey and the struggles I’ve gone through over the years. Some people just didn’t get that I don’t fit into the typical mold and never will. It is really hard to explain and I hope to try with this and in my manga series Inside OuT and Random Acts.  

The thing is I used to love doing panels and talks at conventions, libraries and schools, but due to my health I really can’t do that anymore. so I’ve been looking for an alternative. To tell you my panic attacks and anxiety are so bad that I was really worried about even the sound of my voice, So nervous I almost didn’t do live streams at all. Those of you who showed up for my live streams made me feel a lot better, your kind word mean a lot to me. So I tried to figure out other ways to communicate more, but need to keep safe at the same time. I hope to be able to create my own Live 2D avatar eventually and do more videos, answering your questions and what have you. While my art videos are mostly for my Patreon page I will slowly be making them public over time, just Patreon gets to see them first. These other videos I might make public, depending on how I feel. 

Well, thanks again all of you who have been supporting me over these years. I’m grateful to have so many of you stick around throughout the years. i’m off to get some of my birthday cheese cake now. I’ll be back to art again on Tuesday. 

Hope you all have a good weekend. 

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